Charlaques Letter to Ebel

New York City, October 18, 1946

20 Leroy Street.

Dear Toni,

I received your card full of gloom yesterday. Darling, I want to tell you something, but please don’t get me wrong. Despite all the hardship and hunger, you are ten times happier than I am. You have Lieschen and Karl, you can walk over to Ella Müller and other dear people and chat, in short, you are not alone. But I, dearest, have no one with whom I could exchange a word or talk about things that are close to my heart. When I woke up the first morning here in the hotel and nobody said "Good morning" to me, my nerves were shot.

In Liebenau and on the trip, you were always surrounded by people, so you didn't feel the loneliness. But when I saw how everyone here in America was expected and welcomed by friends except me, it was all over for me. When we landed, I first had to go through everything I had gone through in Berlin in 1932. Medical examinations etc. This lasted exactly 2 weeks. Then I was granted the right to the name Charlotte Curtiss Charlaque. As I didn't have a penny to my name, the Red Cross took care of me, and I was placed in a hospice.

Liebl, who didn't have a penny himself, and the Czech Consulate, which thought I was a Nazi because I refused to talk about atrocities that I really hadn't seen, also because I had been threatened in Liebenau that if I said a word against Germany, you would immediately be "brought around the corner", refused all help. So I was transferred to welfare, which gave me a whole 35 dollars a month. From this money I had to pay 20 dollars rent. So I had exactly 50 cents a day left over for food.

Only when I collapsed on the street and had to be taken to hospital, where I suffered such a nervous breakdown that I was between life and death for two weeks, did welfare have the courage to investigate my case. As a result, my income was increased. Through the kindness of Dr. Fuerst, I was then assigned work (3 hours a day) by the agency for which I now receive 82.95 Dollars per month.

My day is as follows: Bureau from 9-12, heading home tired to death. Rest from 1-3, lunch, sit in the park for an hour, home, read and go to bed. My stomach is still completely down from Prague, as the butter and good food in the Hitler regime gave me an ulcer. I have no friends because I don't have the means to penetrate the circles of intellectuals, but ordinary people are so stupid that they (the people) don't understand me, and neither do I understand them. That's why I gave it up.

So you see, no one is bedded on roses today

Greetings to all, dearest, don't forget, my thoughts are always with you,

Charlotte Charlaque